• What’s different about a coaching conversation?

    conversationcoffee

    Many people use the verb “coaching” to indicate a form of teaching, training or advising. In general they refer to giving information or instructions on how to do something, rather than transmitting theoretical knowledge.  It appears that in this usage, “coaching” is intended to mean a dynamic, informal, practical sort of teaching.

    There are strong, valid historical reasons for this. In the past, coaching meant precisely (and almost uniquely) this, teaching people (telling them) how to do something practical whether it referred to studying, playing tennis, singing, or selling.

    In the last 30 years, a new form of coaching has evolved. It is a professional practice that has grown quickly from multidisciplinary influences  as varied as ancient Socratic questioning, humanistic psychology, management sciences, brief therapies,  philosophy, project management, positive psychology,  eastern philosophies to name but a few.

    Coaching has now developed its own body of knowledge. It is a respectable and researched discipline comprising many approaches, techniques and genres, but on the whole professional coaching today is seen as a mainly non-directive practice that enables the coaching client to find their own solutions and develop their potential to more than they had previously thought possible.   Essentially, it involves on the side of the coach, doing everything BUT telling!

    Non-directive?  So what on earth does that mean? How can you help someone without giving them useful tips, without telling them how you would do it, without giving some good, sound advice? How does it play out in real life?

    It’s true, it’s difficult to imagine. From grade school we have been taught to have a quick answer for every question the teacher asked, throughout our studies we were required to produce thousands and thousands of answers, views, firm opinions, strong positions.  At work we better have an answer, a solution and good advice to give… and fast!  We are programmed to TELL people what the best course of action is. Sometimes it seems that our credibility  hinges on our ability to tell people what to do. We are expected to KNOW and TELL!

    So this is all very well when it comes to technical issues.  We are all happy and very grateful to have experts such as accountants, statisticians, pharmacists, bankers, and dentists  to tell us what the best course of action is.

    But when it comes to our decisions, choices, behaviours, outlooks and feelings, well…… advice is not really helpful, in fact it may even be annoying, and we rarely follow it.

    On the other hand, non-directive coaching is helpful, because it helps us to think things out by ourselves more clearly.   A non-directive coach does not tell, instead she asks questions.

    To illustrate the point, here is a typical, short workplace conversation where one person uses the usual advisory-telling style (not coaching) and again with the person using an asking style (coaching).

    The second conversation is a composite of real conversations (cases from our coaching students) where one colleague was using a coaching style with another colleague who was distressed about something.

    ________________________

    ADVISING / TELLING STYLE (not coaching)

    Mary – I don’t know what to do. Bob is not cooperative, he consistently avoids doing what I ask him to do on the new IT project. I need his support for my work and he’s just not there for me.

    Ted – You should talk to him about it.

    Mary – I’ve tried. I’ve tried many times, but he just won’t listen.

    Ted – Maybe you should be more patient. He’s under a lot of stress now.

    Mary – Well, I am a very patient person you know, but this is really too much.

    Ted – If I were you, I would talk to him when he’s less likely to be under pressure.

    Mary – We’re always under pressure here, all of us, not only him, so I don’t know when I can find such a time.

    Ted – When my team were avoiding to do work on our last big project, I found they were insecure about it or didn’t have enough information.  Maybe you should spend more time with him explaining things.

    Mary – Ok, well, yeah, I guess you’re right.

    ________________________________

    ASKING STYLE (coaching)

    Mary – I don’t know what to do. Bob is not cooperative, he consistently avoids doing what I ask him to do on the new IT project. I need his support for my work and he’s just not there for me.

    Ted – What have you tried so far?

    Mary – Well, I’ve talked to him on several occasions.

    Ted –  And what are you saying on these occasions? How are you getting your message across?

    Mary – Hmmm, well…. actually  I only talked to him on two occasions, and both times I was really mad because we were late for a deadline. I was in a hurry and didn’t have much time really.

    Ted – When would be a best time to have a conversation with him?

    Mary – Well, I guess I could be more patient and wait for the right moment. The best time would be after the management meeting on Fridays.  We are all more relaxed then and heading towards the weekend.

    Ted – And what will you ask him?

    Mary – I’ll ask him what the problems is, and maybe find out if he’s working on other things too that might be drawing his attention away from my project.

    Ted – And what else?

    Mary – Well depending on what he says, I might ask him what needs to overcome the problem and perhaps if I can facilitate something.

    Ted – So how does that feel? 

    Mary – Yes, that’s great.  It’s a lot clearer now.

    Ted – Are you set?

    Mary – Yes, absolutely. I know what to do now! Thanks!

    ________________________

    In the first conversation, Ted was trying hard to find some good tips to give but his advice elicited responses from Mary that were explanations, or justifications.  She wasn’t learning anything new.

    In the second conversation,  Ted’s questions enabled Mary to think new thoughts, to explore some slightly new perspectives, to open up doors so to speak.  She moved from “being stuck” to finding a strategy and renewed energy to resolve her problem. Ted didn’t have to rack his brains to find a solution for her.   This is what a short, effective coaching conversation looks like.

    So how do you get to the point where you are spontaneously asking effective questions, the right question at the right time so that people can find appropriate solutions for themselves?  Coaching involves a complex set of skills and mindsets, and you’ll be glad to know that anyone who really wants to can learn it!

    Coaching is a way of communication so there are many ways you can use it in your life:

    • Become a professional coach
    • Become a leader coach using coaching as a leadership style
    • Integrate coaching skills into your profession,  whatever it may be
    • Use coaching skills in your personal life:  in your leisure activities (e.g. sports teams), with your children, in community work

     

    © 2016 Saba Imru-Mathieu , Founding Partner, Leaders Today

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  • The Aptitudes of a Leader Coach

    Picture1

    A lot is said about the required competences for a coaching manager or leader. But what about at a deeper level? What are the aptitudes or mindsets needed to be an effective leader coach?

    The first aptitude of a Leader Coach is having less need for control. 

    While the word “coaching” is sometimes still used to mean some form of teaching or training, coaching has grown,  throughout the second half of the 20th century, into a distinct applied practice which tends to be generally non-directive, and driven by the coachee’s development needs rather than by the coach’s agenda.

    What does this mean for a leader coach today?  It means that if you want to adopt any of the modern leadership theories – most of which include the ability to be a proficient coaching leader – you’re going to have to stop telling people what to do (at least some of time) and instead ask them questions that will make them think of solutions for themselves.   According to Green and Grant, authors of Solution-Focused Coaching, the path from telling to asking is fraught with uncertainty because managers fear that by not giving instructions they might be losing control. Yet it is the very letting go of control by managers that empowers employees to develop their potential.

    The second aptitude of a Leader Coach is having a helpful approach.

    A leader coach is generally well-predisposed towards her fellow humans. She believes that coaching is part of her leadership role and feels able to develop others.  This entails a willingness to listen, to take the time and to give feedback that will help the employee grow. This kind of leader is connected to the people around her.

    The third aptitude of a Leader Coach is being open to personal learning.

    A certain non-pretentious humility accompanies all the coaching leaders that I have encountered, however high up the corporate ladder they may be. They tend to be authentic, not afraid of showing they don’t know something and above all, they are avid learners. The belief that everyone can learn and grow is an essential mindset for coaching leaders who believe that about themselves, and about others.

    The good news

    The good news is that if you want to develop these aptitudes, they can be learned. If these mindsets were not part of your mental landscape before, you can still adopt them very easily by trying them out, experimenting with the related behaviours, observing yourself, growing into the leader you want to be. Who’s to stop you? 

    ______________________________________________________________________

    © 2016 Saba Imru-Mathieu 

    Saba Imru is Founding Partner of LeadersToday www.leaderstoday.co

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  • Are you facing unknown territory? Relax!

    storm

    I guess this is a rhetorical question nowadays.  Aren’t we all constantly facing unknown territory? Students don’t know if what they are learning now will be useful the day they hit the market looking for employment.  The markets is so volatile that those who do have a job, may well ask themselves for how long. Managers don’t really know what the long-term future holds for them, for their team,  for their company.  Parents cannot fathom what the world will look like for their children when they grow up, meteorologists can’t even tell us if our city will still be above water 20 years from now, and alas – the greatest of all uncertainties – nobody knows how long they will live which makes all long-term planning more of an exercise in wishful thinking than anything else.

    Perhaps the fear of change is just a modern day invention, an expression of the angst of advanced economies who would like to – understandably – remain unaffected by the vicissitudes of an unpredictable universe.

    The ability to live without knowing the future and to embrace unexpected change are key capabilities that mankind already mastered, a very long time ago!  It is this flexibility is that got us here.

    From caveman to Wall Street analyst, no one has yet been able to unfailingly predict the availability of game in the bush, nor the course of stocks on the market. The natural state of things is to not know the future. Since the dawn of time we live with this existential ignorance. Humans have dealt as gracefully as possible with the ineluctable reality of constant change and facing the unknown until the modern times, when we it seems we have strangely lost this ability.  Today we are afraid of change, entering unknown territory is a source of inexplicable and unbearable dread, rather than being the normal course of events.

    Uncertainty and change  are not a new phenomena. The complexity and unpredictability that we are experiencing today are actually nothing new, they’ve always been there. The universe is complex, human life is complex and nothing has ever been written in rock.

    Despite the buzz about how scary change is, as a species we have always succeeded in navigating changing conditions. We have demonstrated resilience and creativity even in the most adverse situations.

    That people resist change is a myth, humans are constantly adjusting to life’s surprises!

    So let’s manage our fears, relax and go boldly into the unknown, like our ancestors, to discover the treasures that life has to offer !

  • Why am I not getting a promotion? 10 steps to prepare yourself for leadership

    wonderingYou may be wondering why all the promotions are passing you by.   Are you preparing yourself well for a step upwards?

    Here are 10 things you can do to set yourself up to progress in your career and prepare yourself for a leadership position.

    1)  Know that leadership is everybody’s business

    Leadership is not automatically bestowed upon you with a new job title.  Leadership is a mindset and behaviour, exhibited at any organizational level, whether you are a “boss” or not.  So it’s important to already express your leadership potential today.

    I’ve heard some of my  students mistaking leadership with having an over-assertive style and pushing others to do things. Understandably, this is not a very attractive way to be.  But I reassure them that pushiness and coercion are closer to dictatorship than leadership! and they don’t have to turn into a dragon to be a good leader. Quite the contrary. Kets de Vries, Professor of Leadership at INSEAD, tells us that most executives want to be effective and at the same time preserve their humaneness.  And they can! These qualities are not mutually exclusive.

    Leaders then do not force, they inspire, guide, model and take responsibility.  They obtain people’s buy-in spontaneously, because they inspire trust, show integrity and consistently deliver on their word. Everyone is called upon to express their leadership at one point or another.  So at whatever organisational level you may be, look for opportunities to start flexing your leadership skills right now. Volunteer to take charge of a project, create a new initiative, take responsibility for improving your team’s working methods, organize a social event or a fundraiser. Federate your colleagues around a common cause.

    2) Create trusting relations 

    Trustworthiness is essential for effective.  If people don’t trust you, they will not put energy into implementing any of your initiatives. At best, they might pay lip service to you to not make waves. According to a Hope-Hailey (2014) report on trustworthiness, published by the Chartered Institute for Personnel and Development (CIPD), you gain in trustworthiness through four factors:

    • your ability to do the job
    • your concern for others
    • your integrity
    • your reliability

    So use every opportunity to demonstrate these behaviours, make people feel safe around you and create relations of trust with your colleagues, clients and bosses.

    3) Consistently exceed expectations   

    Doing your job well is normal, but walking the extra mile is extraordinary.  It’s what makes your customers happy and wanting more.  It makes you feel that you are useful, that you have a unique contribution to make, that you have a purpose. It is this willingness to add value that creates your reputation for being an overachiever who is always striving to do the best for her clients, team, co-workers, boss and ultimately the company. Be ready to always endeavour, to create, to be proactive and productive.

    4) Don’t wait to get noticed

    Be your own ambassador, make sure everyone knows what you projects you are working on and what you have achieved. Stay real and honest, and above all don’t play yourself down. If you are excessively modest about your accomplishments, they will not be noticed and you will not get credit for them. Careful though not to overstep it and get a reputation for being a show-off, and make sure you give due credit to others too.   If you can manage being your own ambassador gracefully, without boasting, you will build a solid and reliable brand.

    5) Get a mentor

    Experienced colleagues can give you invaluable tips about how to navigate through your organisation’s cultural paradigm. They will tell you what is accepted and what is not, they will guide you through the politics and help you select your best career development strategy.  They will share their leadership experiences with you, what worked and what didn’t. They might also share their network with you and help you progress.  By definition Mentors act out of selflessness and because they believe in you and your talents.  Always be honest, reliable and grateful for their support.

    6) Develop yourself

    Don’t ever, ever think that you have nothing to learn. Improve on yourself constantly, take courses, read specialized work-related articles and books and also broaden your general knowledge. Leadership scholar Warren Bennis lamented the pervasive cultural illiteracy of many leaders and managers in today’s workplace, despite their technical adeptness. This ignorance of the world  diminishes their capability to understand and positively influence others in today’s global complex settings.  Instead, being world-wise and cultivated greatly increase a leader’s self-confidence.

    So, make use of the tons of learning opportunities on the web, from free MOOCs to online degrees, great education is only a click away. Consider making a commitment to a certifying course or a new degree, if that will help your personal and professional development. Especially, don’t wait for your employer to provide you with training. Priority and budget for learning and development differs from company to company, so you cannot count on that.Your personal development is your responsibility.

    7) Stay authentic

    A lot of people put on a mask when they walk into the office.  They have consciously or unconsciously chosen a  professional personae and that’s who they wear all day long.   Apart from the fact that constantly keep up a front is exhausting, it is also highly ineffective in terms of establishing trusting relations with others.    Everybody senses a fake. It’s intuitive, we all have this inborn skill of sensing when people are not being their true self. We instinctively notice discrepancies between what a person says and their micro body language, between the values they proclaim and their deeds.

    Your only Unique Value Proposition is YOU.  So don’t try to be anyone else. There is nothing more wonderful and precious than YOU. And besides, YOU is all you’ve got, so be aware of your strengths and leverage them, work on your weaknesses with serenity, it’s perfectly normal to have some.  Your ability to accept your own imperfection while still holding a strong self-concept is the key to emotional maturity, and it makes you a reliable and honest leader. Your authenticity is your charisma.

    If you think you may be having issues with authenticity, you might want to work on your self-confidence, it is the fastest path to letting your true self shine.

    8) Say thank you

    Say thank you to anyone that helps you on the way.  We never, ever do it alone.  Being grateful and giving credit is your way of giving back and consolidating a reputation of being the kind of person people want to have around them, the kind of leader that people are willing to follow towards a common goal.

    9)  Have a plan, but more importantly, have a purpose

    Having a career plan is great, wanting to get to a decision-making position is fine but you must discover what your life purpose is.  Knowing your life purpose is what fuels your motivation. Why do you want to progress ?  Is it for the money, the title or the power ?  Of course these are important factors but if you don’t have a deeper anchorage, alas your happiness will be short-lived.  Understand what you want to contribute and who this will benefit.  Focus on moving towards your purpose.  Avoid complaining, unless you just want to let a bit of steam off on rare occasions.  Otherwise, complaining is just an energy drainer, it does nothing for your leadership capabilities, and it won’t get you anywhere. When you have a deeper sense of purpose, you are energized. And when you have a plan of how you intend to realize it, taking action will be easy and you will find that surprisingly your career unfolds before you, with very little effort on your part and lots of joy in the process.

    10)  Know thyself

    Self awareness is the hallmark of effective leadership.   It means knowing how you work inside, what makes you tick, what you are good at, what you are afraid of.  As a self-aware leader you are fully conscious of what you are doing, why you are doing it, how you are doing it and what impact your action has on others and yourself.

    The ancient Greek precept “know thyself” is still extremely pertinent today,  given that the workplace is so stressful, people are overworked and there is no space for thinking time. Many leaders I work with are so overwhelmed by impossible deadlines and ridiculous targets to meet that they function on automatic pilot, just charging through the day doing what needs to get done. It seems that time for self-reflection is a luxury they just cannot afford.  So we just go ahead and take the time, together, until the leader gets into the habit of creating a brief daily special time for herself.

    It’s really very simple, reserve a moment for yourself, commuting to work or taking a walk at lunchtime. It’s a time when, you can reflect on yourself, on your leadership style by asking questions… How can I think more strategically? What makes me react like that with that colleague?  What help do I need to solve this difficult problem?  What other solutions haven’t I thought of?  What qualities did I exhibit in that crisis? What do I really enjoy about my work and how can I do more of that?

    You will be surprised at all the good answers that you find !

    In conclusion, leadership is not something anybody can give you by putting you into a higher level post.  Leadership starts within and it is exhibited in your behaviour on a daily basis.  Start practicing it now, you will naturally make yourself more visible and greatly boost your chances for career progression.

     

  • Keep calm, it’s only your final exam!

    KEEP CALM

    Today was exam day,  the last day of the coach certification programme at the the Insitute of Coaching (IDC), where I teach. It consists of a full day of examinations, with written exams in the morning and supervised coaching sessions in the afternoon.  We hold two certification programmes a year so I experience this ritual passing over a threshold every end of January and end of June.   It’s a very special day that holds mixed feelings for both students and faculty.

    The students start off the day with apprehension, their body language expresses a range of feelings from downright anxiety, to determination and focus.  As they go through each examination questions, they lay down their ideas about coaching (and their stress), the very act of articulating their views in an exam paper is a creative process in itself that through reflection and insight helps them positively transform their inner state. Before starting the afternoon test, I invite them to take some minutes to center and mindfully create their intention for the supervised coaching session where, in spite of it being an exam, the interest of the coachee primes above everything.  At the end of this second part of the exam, the students have been both coach and coachee, so spirits are high, not to mention the relief of having finished the exam and – if all goes well – completed the certification programme.

    Time for celebration, we share a moment around a drink and extend best wishes to all until the result of the exams come through a month later.   I’m practically certain that we’ll all meet again for the graduation ceremony! I never tire of exam day, it’s the culmination of the efforts made by our students towards becoming a Certified Professional Coach.  They are mostly already accomplished professionals, who put in many hours of learning and practice to add this new skillset – being a coach – to their existing competences.

    They learn during the course that it is actually much more than acquiring skills and tools, coaching is a transformative process that changes the practicing coach to start with, and then provides the means for change to occur in clients.  As they master the art of holding coaching conversations, aspiring coaches stretch beyond their current worldview to embrace a new mindset, that is open to infinite possibilities, and that holds a space for coaching clients to grow and realize their potential.  Coaching is extremely rewarding, …. teaching people to coach is almost unbeatable !

  • Interview at United Nations World Summit on Information Society Forum – 2015, on the use of the world café methodology to hold multistakeholder collaborative Knowledge Cafés for WSIS delegates.

  • Impressions from the Knowledge Café at the World Summit on Information Society

    wsis_2014

    On 12 June,  I had the pleasure of facilitating a World Café for the World Summit on Information Society hosted at the International Telecommunication Union, attend by delegates from all over the world and representatives of all the UN agencies.

    ITU, like all other UN agencies, has a tradition for fostering open dialogue and reaching consensus, and so it has easily adopted world café as an innovative, collective collaboration tool for its members.

    This was my 12th high-level collaborative event at ITU and as always, I am deeply moved at how individuals from different nations, cultures, worldviews, languages can, within minutes, come together in warm, constructive dialogue when the topics have a profound purpose.

    WSIS is a multistake holder platform, where representatives from private sector companies, civil society,  government and the United Nations agencies converge to establish a vision and implementation plans to create an inclusive information society of the future.

    The key figures driving the WSIS process contributed to the world café with their knowledge and long experience:

    • H.E. Mr. Adama Samassékou, WSIS+10 High Level Event Vice-Chair, Former President of PrepCom of the Geneva Phase of the WSIS
    • H.E. Ambassador Janis Karklins, WSIS+10 High Level Event Vice-Chair, Former President of PrepCom of the Tunis Phase of the WSIS
    • Prof. Vladimir Minkin, Chairman of the WSIS+10 Multistakeholder Preparatory Platform

    As the designer and moderator of this event,  I found it very inspiring to see so many brilliant people talk with candour and passion about their efforts for the greater good, the challenges they meet and the successes the encounter.

    Most of the World Cafés I have hosted are in multicultural and multilingual settings. This has never been a barrier to meaningful communication. The café methodology connects participants at a deep, fundamentally human level, and enables them to engage and understand each other across organizational or national cultures, it really does bring the best out of us!

    See the agenda at

    http://www.itu.int/wsis/implementation/2014/forum/agenda/#?se=220

    See the photos at

    https://www.flickr.com/photos/itupictures/14219626530/

     

     

  • Knowledge Café: WSIS+10: From – Vision to Implementation

    In 2011 I introduced The World Café into ITU, the UN ICT agency,  where I was then employed.  The World Café is a wonderful collaborative meeting methodology,  and this highly participative tool became immediately very popular in an organization that supports dialogue and consensus.

    I am proud and honoured to conduct my 12th high-level international ITU/UN world café type event on 12 June 2014 for the World Summit on Information Society WSIS+10. This is a real multistakeholder platform, where civil society, public and private sectors from all over the world are present  to contribute to the Information Society beyond 2015.

    The  café event  will enable the active involvement of each and every participant to explore key questions about the implementation of the WSIS Action lines for development.

  • What’s all the hype about leadership? And why should you care?

    bigstock-Think-About-Leadership-39370759

    So much is being said about leadership, it’s hard to figure out what you should and should not be doing, and in fact, you might shrug it off altogether, thinking that you don’t lead anybody anyway, so why should you care? Here are 3 reasons why leadership is everybody’s business.

    1. Everybody expresses leadership in some moments in life Leadership means achieving something with other people, inspiring them to take action together towards a common goal. It is the ability to mobilize others. You can certainly identify many areas in life, private and professional, in which you are called upon to lead. For example: inspiring your peers at work to accomplish a shared target, organizing a big family event, launching a community activity, leading your team to winning a performance award. All of us are called upon to express our leadership at some moments in life. So yes, leadership and how we go about it, is everyone’s business. If your leadership skills are weak, you will at best have no impact and will inspire absolutely no-one to do a single thing.  At worse, you might fail in your endeavour and perhaps hurt others in the process. If you have good leadership skills, you can create positive movement forwards through which all people will experience satisfaction, success and growth. In principle, the choice is a no-brainer!

    2. Being promoted may take you out of your comfort zone as a leader Simply being appointed to a position that requires you to constantly lead other people is no guarantee that you can just do it. In fact, one of the main reasons for workplace conflict are professionals who are promoted to leadership roles without any support for honing their leadership skills. If you are in such a position, make sure you have what it takes. Increase your self-awareness, educate yourself, develop the right skills, if not you might risk experiencing a great deal of discomfort and see your likeability index suddenly drop!

    3. The good news – Leadership skills can be learned! The good news is that leadership skills are neither fluffy, fuzzy nor esoteric. Leadership skills are observable attitudes and behaviours, including the ability to build trust, communicating effectively, empowering others, thinking strategically and being a role model. These skills can all be learned and embedded into a new way of being and behaving. There’s only one essential condition………. that you want to !

    Where to start learning about leadership

    So maybe a good starting point is reading what the most prominent authors have to say about leadership.  Daniel Goleman’s famous article 2004 “What makes a Leader” describes the results of a wide research he made in on the key success factors of effective leadership.  His findings show that the skills usually associated with leadership, intelligence, determination, vision…are simply not enough.  What really makes the difference in producing successful business results are the soft skills, or what Goleman calls “emotional intelligence”.

    This can be summed up as self-awareness: the ability to understand one’s own emotions; and social skills: understanding other people’s emotions and being able to act upon this knowledge. In the last 10 years Goleman’s research has advanced greatly and is now supported by findings in social neuroscience, but if you’re not familiar with the foundations of his work, here’s an interesting video.

    https://hbr.org/video/embed/5236216251001/what-makes-a-leader


     

    © 2014 Saba Imru-Mathieu 

    Saba Imru-Mathieu(180x180)

     

    Saba is responsible for organizational development initiatives, coaching culture implementation, and the coaching and educational programs at Leaders Today. As the founding partner, her work focuses on developing international leaders, fostering collaboration in multicultural workplaces, and advancing the skills of coaches within global organizations.

  • Last day of Open Doors on Coaching (English and French) on 7 June !

     

    It’s free, it’s fun, it’s interesting !

    Want to know more about coaching ?   Envie d’en savoir plus sur le Coaching Professionnel et ses bénéfices?

    coaching studio

    Sign up at http://coachingstudio.webs.com/what-s-on-book-a-seat